Application for a Tripsitter

Posted: December 23, 2011 by Esteban in Pragmatic Profligacy

Without a doubt, the best time of the year to take psychedelic is around the holidays. As refreshing as a bath in Icy Hot (try it), it is recommended that healthy, eligible individuals consume a psychedelic substance at least once annually to clear out those unwanted, lingering, and repressed thoughts like cobwebs in a dingy attic. No matter what you may or may not celebrate, ideas like the rapidly approaching family gathering, being able to enjoy cool weather, and Christmas lights every fucking direction you turn, it all makes for a magnificent climate during a trip – a journey into the nutty side of your mind.

Through the ages, less responsible friends have let their more sober minded counter parts preside over them whilst temporarily relinquishing their sanity. Truly the duty of a trip sitter is a righteous one as it comes with the highest (heh) responsibility. Contrary to popular belief, the sacred position of tripsitter comes with many perks, such as control over the venue, activity, and vibe of the group. Whether it’s a Fourth o July firework show or just a Phish concert you are charged with a task that, if miscalculated, could possibly ruin a person’s mind, or, with the intervention of police, their rep. And please, no mind games. Now ask yourself, do you have what it takes?

  1. Have you had three or more psychedelic experiences?
  2. Can you multitask whilst watching multiple individuals?
  3. Are you able to identify and prevent a sketchy, dangerous, or fatal situation before they occur?
  4. Are you able to sustain good vibes while shutting down potential harshness at whatever the cost?
  5. Are you familiar with your immediate surrounding (nearest toilet, source of beverage, planet Earth, ect.)?
  6. Are you able to communicate with someone who cannot communicate?
  7. Are you able to navigate terrestrially as well as navigating time?
  8. Are you able to craft believable truth enhancements to authorities if the need arises?
  9. Is it within your ability to identify and wrestle hazardous objects away from individuals?
  10. Are you presently relatively sober?

If you answered yes to at least 7 of these questions then congratulations! You are an eligible trip sitter!

The undersigned “Tripsitter” declares that any and all damage, fiscal, personal, physical, intellectual, sexual or imaginary perpetrated by the “Tripper” is the sole legal responsibility of the undersigned “Tripper”.

____________________________________                _________________

Tripsitter’s Signature                                                    Date

___________________________________   _________________

Tripper’s Signature                                                          Date

  1. LaGrippe says:

    Tripsitting is a profoundly enlightening experience to undertake, and can be almost as instructive as the psychedelic itself. There’s honestly no better goodfeel than being able to successfully steer someone from an incipient bad trip toward a positive, life-affirming experience, capped with wiping them on the toilet while they’re captivated by emerging wildlife on the hotel bathroom’s stucco ceiling.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *