Did Transmographysicists Destroy My Deal?

Posted: November 4, 2011 by Bailey in Shit Sucks News, WTF
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Who and or what are Transmogs? Not the sort from video games like World of Witchcraft but the ones who call themselves Transmographysicists. And are there such things? I came across this term not long ago. I’ve looked it up on the internet and found absolutely nothing.

A brief history. I was in a coffee house on Melrose with my partner in a film venture waiting for a meeting with a guy who possibly might become an investor. The coffee house was his choice for the meeting. We were feeling very positive. Our parking karma had been good as we had found a space right in front of the place.

Two older women, who looked as if they were sisters, were at one table sipping tea of and munching on muffins that had raisins or currants in them. Two younger women, in their twenties, came in, got some coffee, the same muffins and sat down. I noticed them because they had a high quality Canon 7D camera with them.

My partner and I passed the time trying to guess how much money the potential investor might be good for when in walked a guy I recognized. I had never met him but he had been pointed out to me at a restaurant in Tucson. He had been a smuggler and his story had been discussed as documentary of some sort for a cable TV project. He wasn’t wanted in the US but supposedly was still on an Interpol list. He went to the back of the place and sat with his back to the wall and faced the front door.

The two older sisters checked him out and smiled at each other. The twenty somethings grabbed their camera and went to his table. They started talking and the camera began to roll. It was some sort of interview. The questions were mundane; about his time in a South American jail, his family’s reaction, did he have any regrets. He was obviously used to these sort of interviews. He smiled, quipped and answered easily. My partner and I listened in, it was a good story.

Then they asked him if it was true that Transmographysicists had helped secure his release from the foreign prison. His eyes narrowed and went cold. He got a little squirrelly and quickly looked around the place. First at the sisters, who didn’t seem to be paying attention, then at me and my partner. His eyes locked on mine. He checked the door.

He looked at the two twenty somethings and said, “Who are you?” One of them responded, “Then you do know about Transmogs?” He stood up, “What are Transmogs? I don’t know anything about that. Who told you to ask me about that?” He locked eyes on me and came over to the table. “I’ve seen you before. Where have I seen you before?” I told him it had been in Tucson and mentioned the name of a well known Italian restaurant there. He said, “Don’t ever let me see you again.” He turned and headed for the door.


The twenty somethings came to the table. “Do you know him?” The smuggler went out the door as the money guy we were waiting for was coming in. I asked the twenty somethings, “What’s a Transmographysicist?” The money guy looked at my partner and me, the two sisters, the twenty somethings, turned around and split. My partner and I got up and went after him. He was gone.

We decided not to go back in and got into my car. My partner got on his phone and called the money guy. He answered as we were pulling out. I checked the rear view mirror and saw the sisters coming out of the coffee house. My partner asked what was going on. The money guy yelled “What’s with the Transmogs? That was the Florence sisters!” I checked the rear view again; one of the sisters looked like she was texting something on her phone. My partner was trying to cool out the money guy, “Who are the Florence sisters and what are Transmogs?” “They’re worse than Scientologists;” was the reply.” I’m not interested in your project, that’s what I was coming to tell you. Bye.” He hung up.

A week ago a manila envelope came in the mail. It had a West Hollywood postmark  and this message:

“All is quantum entanglement, a space/time tapestry. The process of what is not becoming what is and what is becoming what is not is Transmographysics and can be charted. The key is the unexpected. The unexpected is expected yet the expected is not unexpected. This is quantum entanglement. Take the enclosed Trans Birr Ocular Input Chart and meditate upon it before and after you eat. Keep it at the distance from your eyes where the gestalt merges. Different sections bring different results.”

So I’m asking for some input, Trans Birr Ocular or otherwise. Who or what are these guys and how did they screw me with a potential investor?

  1. J says:

    The sisters names are Patience and Prudence Florence. Daughters of Laurence Florence, high transmographysicist originally from southern Utah. The restaurants are probably transmog restaurants. There are many throughout the world but transmogs by nature keep everything about transmographysics concealed so you probably wouldn’t know just how many of the restaurants we all eat at are. From the little I understand they believe you become what you eat. That is all I can safely say. Good luck. You may need it.

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