Ultra Vulgar Super Fiend

By Danielle Bauman

On my way to the secret location where Dr. Susan Block holds her weekly radio show, I was both nervous and horny. I sent my man a few dirty texts before entering the “Speak Easy” but even that didn’t calm me.

Are we sexually excited by what we fear?

I have been a fan of Dr. Block since I was a little girl. A bad case of the flu provided the perfect excuse to get cable in my bedroom and with it a whole new kind of entertainment was at my fingertips. During those evenings I was introduced to toys I’d never be able to ask Santa for and pleasures nobody else was whispering about on the playground. I felt grateful to get a perverted preview of all the fun things I could do when I grew up but with that came a lot of other raging worries (and eventually hormones).  I was fascinated by the colorful spinning cocks, the writhing naked ladies and Dr. Suzy’s velvety smooth voice but I was also scared out of my mind. How did things like this actually exist?

Time to awaken stirred and shaken.

Turned on and terrified, I kept one hand on the remote incase someone came a’knockin; the possibility of getting in trouble sent a throbbing sensation down to my pussy and out through my toes and I wondered if that was what Dr. Block meant by “orgasmic”. I never touched myself during those nights and truth be told I was a late bloomer when it came to masturbation, but when I finally did I was so proud to find that I was what many porn stars proclaimed themselves: a squirter.

Mixing fear and sex creates special effects.

Going up in the elevator to the loft where Dr. Susan performs was like going up the hill of roller coaster: a mixture of excitement and dread. Walking into the lobby, I contained myself though I swear my vagina was quivering like a coke head desperate for a fix and when I entered the studio the erotic energy of everyone there was like the sweetest drug I have ever known.

The walls of the large recording studio, a moody fuchsia, are covered with erotic art and lined with luxurious day beds that serve as seating for the audience.  The guests for the night sit at a long table of microphones with Susan’s husband Max at the head and just beyond him, the main attraction: a four post bed glittering with sex toys and for this extra special festive occasion, a couple of naked dummy corpses courtesy of Corpsy, one of the guests that night.

My friends and I found an unoccupied bed and were immediately greeted by one of the producers and offered a shot off of any part of her body. If only every producer could be so delightfully generous? We sipped our wonderfully strong drinks as the show began with Dr. Susan dressed as a sexy witch chanting a poem in the theme of the show’s title: Girls, Gore, Scary Sex and More.

Like heat in your mesquite, but too much heat burns your meat…On your erotic broom your inner witch won’t hurt you unless you want her too.

Witches are full of masculine symbols and as Dr. Block rode her broom, complete with pocket rocket and a well endowed dildo, there was no question that phalluses are plentiful at least when it comes to this sexual sorcerer. Her amorous incantation played with the idea that being frightened and turned on often go hand in hand. I was reminded of those nights as a little girl, small, scared and unknowingly aroused.  As Dr. Suzy brought up her first guest that childlike allure came rushing back to me. Whimpering on the bed with two vibrators dancing over her clit, Sofia Jade came to the steady chant: “Wet…..wet…..wet,” courtesy of Kim Fowley.

I sat there mesmerized by the ease with which this sultry siren languished on the bed, letting go until she came.

We were all in awe as Brianna Belladonna, one of the few living female sword swallowers in the world, tickled her tummy with weapons of epic proportions, proving yet again that there are phallic images everywhere, although some should only be handled by a trained professional. Watching her deep throat each sword, getting them nice and lubed up with her tongue before taking the plunge, was one of the purest examples of alarming erotica. While I squirmed on the bed watching her perform each death defying act I felt a familiar throbbing down below.

What is it about fear and sex that makes for such an intoxicating combination? Perhaps it’s because adding fright to seduction ups the stakes and therefore the adrenaline rush is doubled. Sure a good old fashioned fuck is all in good fun, but what if it takes you by surprise? What if your lover comes out of nowhere and pins you against the wall to have his or her way with you? The shock of them pulling your hair and the joy of being ravished can make for an incredible experience. Also, adding fright to fucking in itself is taboo and anything that’s even mildly forbidden can make for major titillation. Which brings me to the next act of the night…

I would’ve ordered a drink for this one but the producer was busy laying out a tarp at the foot of the bed. Amanda Blow, a saucy blond and Brittany Blaze her busty partner stepped onto the scene. “What you’re about to see may shock you but it is an act of love that brings these two ladies closer to each other,” Dr Suzy explained as Amanda pulled her panties to one side and aimed a steady stream into Brittany’s grateful mouth. I sat stunned, staring, panties soaked, nothing could compare to a live in the flesh golden shower from one sexy porn star to another.

The rest of the night rushed through me like the climax of an long awaited orgasm. Amanda Blow staying true to her surname gave a dedicated hummer to a very lucky dead guy and Corpsy volunteered to be adult starlet Jacky Joy’s sub for a lesson in corporal punishment.

Towards the end of the show comedian Chris Gore presented us with the beginnings of the set for his latest creation: FetishVil, a stop motion series about Dominatrix’s. Barbies and bondage- I was in heaven!

But what made the evening complete was when I was actually invited up to sit on the grand bed with the good doctor. I couldn’t believe it, after all those years of watching Dr. Susan, my sexual role model, the woman responsible for the majority of my erogenous education, there I was beside her. I felt tense and out of breath but Dr. Block who is an expert at sensual relaxation, wrapped an arm around me and like the euphoria that comes after a long luxurious fuck, I felt quietly contented. She referred to me as the journalist and I was proud to have a title in her world. Though all my nervous energy had subsided I still found it difficult to say much; however I did manage to tell her that the following day I would be waking up to write this article, but not before cumming all over my bed.

“So you can squirt,” she asked. “Well you’ll have to come on at the beginning of the show next time.”

Childhood dreams really do come true

Join us next week as we delve into the sensual mind of Susan Block in a deep and thorough interview. In the meantime, be sure to check out Susan’s Halloween Sex Poem!