Another year means more music festivals, more drunken hook ups, more wasted youth, more cheating on taxes (Us? No. Never) and of course, the degradation of every New Year resolution you’ve hopelessly made in vain. So what if you can’t quit smoking? No one in Libya cares (because if they did, they would get tear gas thrown in their face). And at least you picked an addiction that makes you look cool. Try freebasing oxycotin off of aluminum foil before you stroll over to that blonde to say hello. Surprisingly enough, most girls don’t find that attractive.
At Ultra Vulgar Super Fiend, we reward your failure. All you have to do to redeem your prize is go to either the Ultra Vulgar Super Fiend Facebook Page or Twitter (@UVulgarSFiend) and send us a list of New Year resolutions you’ve already broken. The more nefarious the violation, the bigger the prize (we cannot condone anything illegal).
In the Swag Grab Bag this month: