I bought us a couple of shots and his pants unzipped.
Yes, I slept with your boyfriend and there were blowjobs too-
It was Israel, we were brethren, and I’m a greedy Jew.
He saw god when I wrapped my lips around his member;
Tasted so good I could’ve gagged till December.
You always nip him with your snaggle tooth,
He still has nightmares and scars that are proof.
Yes, I slept with your fiancé the night before the weddin’
He had the hotel for an extra day and we were breaking in the beddin’.
Yes, I slept with your fiancé before he saw you in your dress;
I guess we both got lucky, I wish you all the best.
I sat in the back row of the temple and chuckled;
He walked down the aisle with his belt unbuckled.
He always found time for a good piece of ass;
Did you notice the cum stain when he was breaking the glass?
Yes, I slept with your husband while you were pregnant and fat,
You said you hated foreplay and he’s really good at that.
Yes, I slept with your husband while you were passed out in the same room,
I said fuck it, just fuck me, and we would have but he came too soon.
I made him mac and cheese ‘cause you can’t even boil rice
He said you try your best and then went down on me twice.
We made out in the shower and dried off on your bed
But then I felt too guilty so we fucked in your son’s room instead.
Call me slutty, call me stupid, call me desperate for attention,
But don’t ever call me careless ‘cause I always use protection.
So while you’re birthing the next accident I’ll be drinking some fine wine
And when your husband goes out for diapers he’ll probably take his time.
‘Cause there’s nothing more tempting than a woman without rules
And there’s no one less perceptive than a woman who’s a fool.
Your babies aren’t the only one’s sucking from a teat,
Enjoy the bliss of motherhood, I’ll enjoy your husbands meat.