By Danielle Bauman
For most of you today is about Jesus and candy, but before you put on your Sunday best and set off on a hunt to gather shells full of pennies, I want you to take a look at the decorations littered about your local pharmacies and supermarkets: baby chicks hatching from eggs, eggs in various pastel patterns, rabbits in blue coats carrying baskets full of what? EGGS!
I hate to break it to everyone out there but the bottom line is that though you may be chomping on Cadbury Cream Eggs this morning, Mother Nature has a much bigger agenda for you than a sugar high and cavities. What this holiday is really telling you to do is stick some cream in your lady, give her your white chocolate drizzle and if you haven’t got a gal, go out into the warm weather and find your female Thumper. And fuck. Like bunnies!
Remember that part in Bambi when spring came and all the animals got hitched? Well, it’s that time again, or at least this is what my father told me when I was younger. And we wonder how I got such a dirty mind…
In any case I know it’s not Thanksgiving but I feel the need to give thanks anyways. Thanks: for premarital sex- it’s not only acceptable but rampant among the majority of our population, for condoms and other contraceptives and for those neat little pillows that make doggy style easier – I don’t have one yet but it’s going on my Christmas list.
Thanks, Easter, for celebrating the sex crazed bunny in all of us.