This story starts in the Fairfax District of Los Angeles in the late 90s. After having half a pastrami and rye with a sour pickle at Canter’s, my business partner told me there was someone he wanted me to meet. We got into his car, drove a bit, turned into an alley and parked behind a shop of some sort. We got out and he knocked on a heavy, metal door that appeared to be some sort of back entrance to a business. A short, heavy set, nebbishy fellow with horn rimmed glasses opened the door and peeked out.
“Hey, what’s up?”
My partner looked around behind us and asked, “Can we come in?”
The nebbish looked hard into my eyes and asked, “Who’s your friend?”
“Yeah, he’s OK, I’ve known him for years.”
The door swung open, we took four steps down and in we went. The place was as close to having a basement apartment in Los Angeles as you can get. It was painted black on black on black, floors, ceilings, walls, the works. Most of the surface area was covered with glistening CD’s along with little round silver stickers, many arranged in the tree of life design of the kabbalah. They were everywhere. Wherever they weren’t, there were book shelves and numerous, quarto sized paper backed books, obviously of the self-published variety.
My partner asked him to tell me the story. He began. The nebbish turned out to be an “expert” in the field of space aliens. I had heard much of it before. But then he came to the reptiles with the base on the dark side the moon.
“You ever wonder why the space program didn’t go very far after the moon landing in 1969?”
Smarmily I asked, “Are you going to tell me we didn’t actually land on the moon, that it was phonied by NASA teamed with Hollywood?”
“No, we landed on the moon all right. But the reptilian space aliens from Rigel 4, you know Rigel, the star in Orion’s belt, these reptiles from there have had a base on the dark side of the moon for over 40 years. They contacted Washington and told them that if we tried to venture further into space, they’d annihilate us. We weren’t ready to leave the planet. We’re not evolved enough or smart enough”
Here’s a new twist I thought. “Reptilian space aliens?” I ventured.
“They’re the predominant intelligent species in the galaxy. Earth would be populated by sapient reptiles if that meteor hadn’t hit us in the Jurassic Age, wiping out the dinosaurs. They’d have evolved and mammals wouldn’t have. “
“What, we just cut back the space program because of them?”
“No, we made a deal. We opened up trade with them. They’re responsible for our advances in technology, not the space program.”
“What kind of technology?”
Computer miniaturization, laser technology, optical storage and transmission, CDs, that kind of stuff.”
I couldn’t help but ask, “And what do they get from us?”
“People? What, you mean like labor?”
“No, like fodder. We’re the same as cattle to them. Just like prehistoric reptiles ate mammals before the Jurassic meteor; they eat people. Their base on the dark side of the moon is a first stage meat processing facility. They use the lack of atmospheric pressure to explode the bodies, making compactable manburger. It freezes instantly and packs tight into containers without the expenditure of a lot of energy.”
“And don’t buy the cover story that they live in caves beneath the earth. They left those in 1934 when the LA times published an expose about them. They figured it was safer to operate from the moon, until 1969 when we landed there. And they don’t come from the constellation Draco, all that’s a cover“
Now I admit I like a good conspiracy story but this was a bit much. “Are you saying our government is trading us off to be eaten in order to develop new technologies?”
“Not us. Just Chinese and Indonesians. We only give them overpopulated people from rural areas. Western China, especially near Burma; people from islands in the Indonesian archipelago.”
“What do the Chinese and the Indonesians have to say about that?”
“Not much, they don’t really know.”
He could see that I was skeptical. Suddenly he jumped up and began pulling the self-published books down from the shelves, flipping thru pages and showing me drawings and pointing out “facts.”
“There it is in black and white, man. How can you deny it?”
I smiled and looked him in the eye. ”Anyone with a few dollars can publish a book like that.”
“Go stick you head in the sand, man. The truth’s the truth.”
Not long after that there was civil unrest on the island of Timor. It was East Timor vs. West Timor fueled by the desire for independence from Indonesia. Large numbers of people were going missing, said to have been murdered by the government. In late August there was a report of some 12,000 Timorans unaccounted for. The Nebbish sent me a message, through my partner, in late August. “Check the UFO websites for a sighting in Indonesia on Sept. 9. It won’t be far from Timor.”
I did and sure enough, there was. A very large UFO was reported to be slowly floating through some valley on an island not far from Timor. I also checked for any information regarding the 12,000 unaccounted for Timorans. They were never mentioned again.
Throughout this time the media was constantly criticizing NASA as a waste of resources that gave no benefit to the people. Of course they completely ignored the fact that personal computers, data storage, emerging electrical energy storage and generation, cell phone technology, optical data transmission and the entire development of Silicon Valley businesses were a direct result of NASA programs given to industry for free. The disinformation program was so successful that the space program fell into the doldrums and nobody but a few “egghead geeks” at JPL and Cal Tech really cared.
I admit, it’s a hard pill to swallow but then again, it is a neat and succinct explanation for the cessation of humankind’s greatest adventure that created, literally, millions of decent paying jobs in the U.S. and around the world.
Anyway, apparently the Chinese have figured it all out, because they have been given to no holds barred go ahead to settle the moon, alone. It has long been their pro forma to open Chinese restaurants in advance of any new venture where they try to expand their influence.
Do reptilian space aliens know how to use soy sauce?
Just for a giggle check out some of these websites or just do an online search for “reptilian space alien” or “reptoid”.
Got a good conspiracy? Post a comment and let me now about it.