Ultra Vulgar Super Fiend

By Dawn Debauchery

5.       Wahl Rechargeable Mini Wand: The Portable Jackhammer

Some of us ladies like a jackhammer to the clit, myself included. The only problem with this is that most jackhammery vibrators leave you attached to the wall by some crazy cord or they constantly need new batteries. Well, Wahl has a solution in this rechargeable wand massager. This is one of those “drugstore” massagers that you can find on the shelves of your local store and it’s pretty cheap, but it’s worth loving. I’ve been graced with toys five times as expensive that didn’t match up to this one’s power. It comes with  7 various attachments for different uses, so it’s multi-purpose, as well.  The only real speed of it is “ON” which is equivalent to “holy shit”, but it’s a total winner, and it’s also pretty quiet although you might not be.

 4.          Whipspider Rubberworks Tentacle: Tentacle Consensual Sex

Are you into hentai? Do you have a tentacle rape fetish? Do you like to scare the shit out of people? Do you just like to be really fucking weird? Well, meet the Tentacle. Yes, it’s a dildo that looks like a pretty realistic part of some crazy hentai monster, and that’s only half of the appeal. It’s made of lovely soft and flexible silicone that is curved to get all into your G-spot like any sexually educated tentacle monster would. The texture on this one is pretty intense, too, so it’s not for the faint of vagina. The awesome part about that is it makes sloppy tentacle sex noises! It’s also quite girthy, as well. Oh, did I mention that this thing glows in the dark, too? These are all reasons it’s one of my prized possessions. I usually leave it hanging out on my desk. The look on people’s faces when I tell them it’s not a sculpture is priceless. This is a piece of fuckable art. How awesome is that?

3.       Je Joue MiMi: The Sexy Secret Weapon

It’s no secret that clitoral stimulation helps get women off. For some it’s an essential part of orgasm. So you know those times where you’re banging someone and you need a little oomph but you don’t want something big or bulky, but you need it to have power? This is where MiMi becomes your best friend. MiMi is ergonomic, powerful, quiet, and fits in the palm of your hand. Let’s add more to this list of awesome things about MiMi: waterproof, multi-function, rechargeable, and coated in velvety body-safe silicone. MiMi is always the third, but very much loved and appreciated wheel in my sexual exploits, and even in those awkward positions where you can barely get a hand down there. This little love pebble is also discreet in design making it the perfect travel companion. I sure as hell don’t leave home without it. You shouldn’t either.

2.      Eroscillator 2 Plus: The Ugly Bringer of Fantastic Orgasms

This thing doesn’t look sexy at all. In fact, it looks like what would happen if they had electric toothbrushes back in the days of ancient Rome. When I use it my orgasms feel a little imperial. That’s always a nice touch. But hey, this is the only toy Dr. Ruth has ever endorsed, so it’s probably good shit, huh? It is. Very much so, actually. It doesn’t gyrate like traditional vibrators do. It oscillates! Something about this motion stimulates a lot deeper than conventional vibrators. It boasts three speeds and comes with a few different attachments. Oh, this thing is up there with the legendary Hitachi in the power scale (but doesn’t numb you!), has a long cord, and it’s virtually silent, too. What’s not to love about that? The plethora of vibrators I have is collecting dust since the Eroscillator came into my life.

1.       Njoy Pure Wand: The Holy Grail of G-Spot Toys

Whenever someone asks me about my favorite toy my answer is always “Oh god, the Pure Wand.” This one toy is infamous among sex bloggers, reviewers, and toy enthusiasts for good reason. It’s over a pound and a half of pure medical-grade stainless steel and measuring in at about 11” of pure orgasmic bliss. You don’t have to be a size queen, freak, or very experienced to learn to love it, but it does satiate all of those needs. The weight and shape of this toy are out of this world for G-spot and prostate stimulation. It gives the kind of orgasms that reduce you to a messy pile of mush afterwards. Steel is also a lovely material for temperature play. Want a fun solo adventure? Want to delightfully torture someone? Toss this baby in the fridge. Not to mention, it’s virtually indestructible and can double as a weapon. This is the dildo to end all dildos.

Read more from Dawn Debauchery here.