UVSF Guide to Sleeping Your Way to the Top

Posted: November 26, 2014 by Esteban in Events - On the Town, Featured Fuck
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I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard it.

“No one dates in LA.”

More and more often this comes straight from the mouth of a post-coital acquaintance I’ve grown close with over the course of the evening. While I’ve met plenty of Angelenos who most would agree qualify as “undateable”, that very concept is being eroded by the same early-20s, Tinder-toting, hookup generation who took the urbanized “convenience dating” mentality and reduced it to the no-nonsense, no strings attached fling-a-thon it is today.

This epiphany hit me hard one night like I was married to an NFL full-back. This charming nineteen-year-old brunette and I really seemed to be hitting it off, exchanging bawdy quips all the way back to my apartment in the valley, where flirt came to fruition. Mere moments after the fireworks had stopped, this girl lithely slips on her clothes and slips out the front door as fast as the words could slip out of her mouth, “Oh, that was a good one.”

When did this generation’s sexual revolution take place, and how did they out-sex a generation of people who put porn on the internet? As a 28-year-old single male, there will be no moralizing or complaints of any kind from me. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, watch Paul Sapiano’s Hollywood Sex Wars for the truth behind this unspoken pretext.

Some of us career oriented, young go-getter types believe that we are on some kind of anti-relationship crusade when it comes to business only approach to dating, but the truth is that Los Angeles is all about relationships, isn’t it? Whether it is the relationship you are trying to build with that executive you just met at the networking mixer, the relationship with the bartender who sometimes gives you free drinks, or the relationship with your barber, we Angelenos thrive on socialization.

Networking is 90% of the business in Los Angeles. It doesn’t matter what business you are in, because good networking will undoubtedly take you higher. Communication transcends vocation, however, masterful communication conquers vocation. But it is not just handing out business cards that will get you to the next rung on the corporate ladder, and if you are thinking about sleeping your way to the top, there is another profession you may be better acclimated towards. Networking is about building, maintaining, and nurturing relationships; it is a lot of work and one false move, one delayed email, can offset all of your work.

Try developing both your connections and customers by first developing your networking abilities at an event like upcoming Networking That Works. This is an all-day program hosted by master networker and veteran businesswoman Bridget Brady in which she details every aspect of networking, including how to make those highly sought after executive connections, how to follow up, what to say to expand your business connections and clientele, and all of the other company secrets that Brady has been honing for years.

The next Networking That Works event is Saturday, February 21st, from 10 AM to 5 PM. Reserve your spot now, or find out why this event is booked so far in advanced. Click the link for more information on this event and tickets. 

Though, admittedly, many of us are perfectly at peace with our present profession position and just looking to blow off some steam with spontaneous sex. And after a long, hard, throbbing (sorry) day at work, what is wrong with a little Huxleyan stress relief? Whether you get a vomit-inducing retro-cringe or a resounding high-five from your roommate, the bottom line is that, as long as both consenting parties are safe and use protection, getting laid beats the pants off of not getting laid.

While we’re on the subject, can we please refrain from using the term “one night stand”? Not only is the phrase antiquated, it is also an inaccurate portrayal of hookups, which are definitely not limited to nights and, not unlike Pringles, having just one is the rare minority.

So, that series of hookups begat “The Fling”, and “The Fling”, after gaining enough experience point, evolved into what is traditionally known as “The Committed, Monogamous Relationship”, which, I hear, can be quite comfortable. After years of this comfortable routine fly by without you even knowing it, you have so much time invested into the CMR (see above) that there is no turning back now, so you cave to all of the pressure from your other married friends, like a Sith Lord beckoning to the misguided padawan to join the dark side, and you get married. Do you want the highlight reel of the next 60 years? Bills, babies, bills, heart attack, bills, pills, bills, dead.

Nevermind the fact that the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS) has proven it impossible to feel the same love for the same person for more than a few years due to a tolerance to the love drug, oxytocin,  and by the way, you will not be having marital sex any time after that happens. If I just described your life, put cutting off your genitals on the back burner for a bit, because I’m about to give you a juicy marriage life hack: 1. Get a great divorce lawyer on retainer just as an insurance policy. 2. Get yourself a much younger side piece. You know those cliché, middle-age guys who go out and buy a Corvette the first time they see a gray hair? You are going to want to do that, but instead of a car, you are getting a mistress, and instead of having a mid-life crisis, you are cheating on your wife… You know what? 3. Buy the damn Corvette, too.

For most of us, our love life involves bumbling about from one significant other to the next in search of that mythical The One. You know The One. That fabled Adonis or Adonisess that completes all of those inadequacies left behind by Disney movies.  I’ve met The One, and after getting to know her I came to the frightening realization that she is boring as nails.  Do you know who isn’t boring? That punk chic working at Freak City on Hollywood Blvd with the dyed hair and nose ring, or that girl who always wears yoga pants and a low cut top and is always smiling at you inside the Sunset Blvd Starbucks, or that chubby brunette with the dimples who started rubbing your crotch when you two split a taxi. As long as we are building relationships here, let’s not rule anyone out just yet, although that last one may be sexual assault.

The number people who believe that a surplus of sex in America is a stigma has been on the decline for years, while supporters of the (safe) “sex is good” philosophy continues to grow to near European levels. Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching 2015, and it is okay for everyone with less than 12 kids to admit that they would like to be having more sex without sounding like some kind of whorish leper. The era of Orgy Porgy is upon us.

Those of us who can afford to live anywhere in LA that isn’t Tent City obviously have some level of motivation to succeed, or at least the ability to hustle in order to make ends meet. Those of us who see something we desire and endeavor to obtain it tend to gravitate toward success, whether that success is in the form of bringing home a huge paycheck or bringing home a tiny model, when the end goal is achieved that is a success. If you are not actively making progress toward achieving your present goals, or if you have set the bar too low for yourself and your present goals are too easily achieved, then the solution is as simple as updating your skills and strategies in order to reach those goals, just like you would update your iPhone Apps, only a self-update is a life-long, one-and-done improvement.

If you are looking for Jedi-like control over social and sexual attraction, then you will need a good master to train you. Someone who possess such phenomenal relationship building skills, such complete social mastery, that bedding 10s and networking with the upper echelon comes as natural as 405 gridlock.

There are several upcoming courses offered by the ABCs of Attraction in which they actually teach the fundamentals of building winning relationships. Depending on the time you want to invest on developing your inner Hef, a variety of programs are available. Not only are there valuable lessons in these events that everyone can benefit from, but the instructors guarantee results. Click on the following link that best suits your needs for more info or to attend one of these programs.

This is a 2 day workshop focusing on the basics of developing attraction with the fairer sex, as well as spotting common mistakes and pitfalls which may be preventing you from climbing up that social ladder. A portion of this workshop is also devoted to “in field training”, or trying out your new skill set with the pros behind you. Click the link for more info and to find the next available workshop. 

Another is a full-on, 3 month course. Dubbed “12 Weeks of Fury”, this program is all-inclusive and will change your life. It’s like a 3 month retreat, but you still get to live your life. The organizers are actually quite flexible and will work with anyone’s schedule, so there is no need to be intimidated by its length. Click the link for a breakdown of how you’ll be investing your time and what you’ll learn. 

The last program they offer is a personalized, one-on-one coaching session with the celebrity hookup Hercules of your choice. Spend 3 days and 3 nights with any of these renown instructors by your side, honing every charming story, until the student has become the master… Click here to read more about the instructors and one-on-one sessions.

Professional athletes, ancient warlords, rock stars, even actors – they all master their craft the same way. In order to become one of the best, you must learn from one of the best. If you desire the irresistible networking skills that will turn your company Christmas party into your own personal keynote, then you should consider making the most powerful investment of all: an investment in the knowledge and skills that your future you will praise you for.

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