By Danielle Bauman
Today is that dreaded day for all the lactose intolerant lonely hearts with limp dicks and cob-webbed cunts. You can say you don’t care, that you’re putting your energy toward yoga or making the perfect bolognese sauce but there’s nothing worse than a candy cupid to remind you that your secret admirer lives in the bottom drawer of the nightstand.
No one wants to go through a sexual dry spell during the winter, least of all a hyper sexual being such as myself. For years I hated on St Valentine and all this red and pink Hallmark, Russell Stovers, Every Kiss Begins with Kay crap-tastic advertisement schemes. But then Saturday night I went to the Dr. Susan Block Radio Show for her own brand of Valentine festivities and I turned the other cheek quite literally.
This cloyingly sweet heart day’s origins were anything but innocent chocolates and flowers; long before St. Valentine “existed” Lupercalia was the holiday of choice. A celebration of health and fertility, the story goes that young maidens would lift their dresses and bare their asses for a good old fashioned flogging.
I myself am a big fan of floggings, spankings and just about every other activity that involves thwacking a nice set of buns. And so in the spirit of the season I have carefully selected a few of my favorite corporal punishment devices for your viewing pleasure. So screw the chocolate, and fuck the flowers, if you really want to make an impression on that special someone get them to pull down their panties and bend that beautiful derriere over: Mama’s got a big surprise.
Have you ever heard of the sweet spot? It’s that supple piece of flesh just below the curve of the ass and that’s exactly where this baby belongs. A cane sweeping through the air is one of the most pleasing sounds, that is, aside from the musical moans that follow a good beating from this little number.
I won this whipper snapper at The Original Sin burlesque show in Brooklyn a few years back and it’s never let me down. Made out of recycled tires, it’s environmentally friendly and fun on the buns. However I’ve never caused any all out weeping with this weapon so I definitely recommend this for the lighter play parties.
Everyone loves a sweet pussy and this paddle causes quite the sting despite its dainty appearance. What I love about this one is that it can also double as a wall decoration making it an unlikely threat for house guests caught with their pants down.
As a little girl I always loved my little pony and I suppose you could say my passion for pony play has followed me into adulthood. This lovely butt plug also works quite well on any willing bottom- I just love the double meaning there! And when you’re not giving your sub a spanking you can stick it where the sun don’t shine and tickle his balls or her clit with their own tail.
This last implement of pleasure and pain was inflicted on me at the Dr. Susan Block Show on Saturday night and I’m still feeling the heat. For those of you that are really looking to make a lasting impression I highly recommend this pretty piece. With a gorgeous smacking sound and a sting that simmers, any supple cheek will quiver after a beating from this beauty. I would also like to note that any lonely sub looking for a Mistress can take a deep breath and look no further; I have experienced the sweet fury of Mistress C and if you’re in need of a new goddess to worship check out her website: http://www.eroticadomme.com
Happy Valentines Day!